Poo.

Warning - this post is not for those of you with weak stomachs!  Also, there will be no photos in this blog post.  You'll thank me later.
Avery and I had a difficult lunch.  I tried to feed him pasta and meat sauce - the exact same pasta and meat sauce he ate happily yesterday - but he acted like I was trying to poison him and then threw all the forks on the floor.  But that's okay, I thought to myself, because we will go out to watch some construction trucks and make a stop at the library on our way to his doctors appointment (in just over an hour).  I was looking forward to it, but sadly, it was not to be.
I had to go to the bathroom before we left and Avery crawled in to the bathroom to join me.  I noticed his diaper was half off.  (He was wearing a diaper with velcro so apparently he's developed the new skill of removing the velcro tabs.)  I thought I would just take it off completely, since I was going to put on a clean diaper for when we went out anyway.  It was then that I realized he must have been in the middle of peeing because there was pee on the carpet and the bathroom floor as well.  No big deal, I think to myself, and wipe it up.  Then, I hear the sound.  The little grunting sound that is a tell-tale sign that Avery is trying to move his bowels.  Then I see it.  Poo.  "Noooooooooo!"  I yell aloud.  Avery smiles.  He has pooed on the bath mat in the bathroom, which would have been easy to clean up had I acted faster and not been frozen in horror and disbelief.  As I stand there Avery gets up and holds on to the tub, in the process managing to get his legs covered in poo.  The situation is getting worse by the second and all I can think of is to put him in the tub.  I take his toys out and contemplate putting the tub mat in but decide that I don't want it covered in poo.  So now Avery's in the tub but the poo is making everything slippery so he's sliding around and the whole tub is getting covered in poo.  I can only think of one thing to do:
"Hello?" says my Mom, as she answers the phone.
Me: "There's poo everywhere!".
Mom:  "I'll be right over!".
My hero.
Just then, Avery slips in the poo-covered tub and bumps his head.  He starts to cry.  He reaches up to me with poo-covered arms.  In a move that will surely not win me any "Parent of the Year" awards, I decide that I shouldn't get poo on my white tank top that I am wearing.  So I pull my clothes off and throw them on the floor.  Just for good measure, I grab a towel and throw it over the wailing poo-covered baby.  Then I pick him up (see, I am a good mom!)  The sight of the tub is grossing me out so I try to get him out into the hallway without him touching anything.  Just then, my mom walks through the front door.  She must have ran all the way over.  "I think the only option is to take him into the shower in my bathroom" I say, so that's what we do.  Avery is not too pleased about this "shower" that he being subjected to and keeps reaching out to Grandma to save him.  But there is no way I am letting him out without a good scrub down with soap first!  Once he is done I put him in to the towel in Grandma's waiting arms.  Then it's my turn to have a good scrub down with soap!  Thankfully, Grandma has Avery diapered and dressed by the time I get out the shower.  They are reading books in his rocking chair and he looks and smells like a little angel.  He smiles at me and puts out his arms.  I give him a hug but then I have to put lots of things in to the laundry and give the tub a good cleaning.  In fact, I clean the toilet and the floor too.  I am trying to forget that poo exists at all.  I get everything done and put Avery in the car and head to the doctor's office, arriving only a few minutes late.
Thanks goodness for Grandma.